Imposter Syndrome Remedy Page 3

  Are they reliable? The point of having a buddy in this context is to get someone who will hold you accountable to your commitment to change. When you ask them to check in on you, can you rely on them to consistently do so?

  When you find your "accountability buddy", it would also be good to have an initial chat about what you need and what you can expect from each other. As a guide, you may consider initially talking about:

  Why you need an “accountability buddy”?

  What is your motivation?

  What outcomes are you striving for?

  How often will you meet?

  What you need them to do (e.g., help you to recognize your strengths and achievements; give you a gentle nudge when you are slipping into old habits of self-doubt; share your joys and celebrate successes with you).

  However, please note that having an "accountability buddy" does NOT mean having someone else to blame during moments of weakness. You need to take personal responsibility for your actions and outcomes. Your buddy can support you but you need to take action yourself and be responsible for it.

  CHerish the moment

  Celebrate when you accomplish tasks and achieve important milestones.

  Sometimes it can be easy to overlook achievements, especially when you are confronted with Imposter Syndrome. Recognizing and celebrating your achievements, no matter how small, can help you appreciate the good things that are happening in your life.

  Hold on to that thought for now – we will delve more into the importance of recognizing and celebrating successes in Chapter 6.

  ***

  If you would like some support and want to take your COACH with you in this process, you can apply to join the PAME Code Facebook Group so we can all go together and share our commitment to change, keep each other accountable, offer encouragement and support during rough times, and celebrate our successes together. It’s free to join. Click here to apply.

  http://thepamecode.com/facebook-group/

  3

  PURPOSE OVER SELF-DOUBT

  HAVING A SENSE OF PURPOSE can offer real value in your life. Living a life based on purpose is more enjoyable and fulfilling because you are spending your limited time on what is truly important to you. Research also suggests that having a sense of purpose can help people focus their actions. In addition, purpose is associated with having a sense of harmony, peace, better health and wellbeing.

  Despite the self-doubt, it can be very easy to become overly self-absorbed when you are experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Everything seems to be pointing towards you, your flaws and your perceived incompetence.

  However, understanding your purpose will help you to gain a more outward-looking perspective on things; whether it's about specific tasks that you need to complete, or the lifelong goals you are aspiring to achieve. Sooner or later, you might come to realize that this purpose, which you sometimes call yours, is actually part of something bigger – something that is higher than yourself!

  Suddenly, it’s not just about YOU anymore…

  …and you discover that in this world, it’s NEVER just about you.

  When you understand your purpose, it will be easier to recognize what you are doing and WHY. You get a better sense of what you are worth because your purpose will drive you to do what you need to do regardless of what other people might think or say about you.

  Be driven by this purpose, rather than by your self-absorbed fear that others might be judging you.

  Understand your WHY and let this drive you forward.

  Not your fear.

  Not your self-doubt.

  Not your Imposter Syndrome.

  Focus on providing value through your passion and your talents. Don’t hold back. You owe it to yourself to live a life that is worth living. Let this thought overshadow your self-doubt and just do it!

  The PASTLE Technique

  Understanding your purpose does not have to be complicated. The PASTLE technique is a simple strategy that can get you started thinking about what your purpose in life is. It encourages you to ask three questions:

  Passion – what are you most passionate about?

  Strength – what are your strengths and abilities?

  Legacy – what do you want to contribute in your lifetime?

  Take some time to reflect and answer these questions honestly. Scribble some notes and share it with your buddy if necessary.

  Since life’s purpose is a long-term endeavor (it’s life-long after all!), this task can feel daunting and can potentially trigger more self-doubt. One way to remedy this is through mental imagery.

  Using mental imagery to control worry, fear, and self-doubt

  Mental imagery is a technique that encourages you to create a mental picture of what you are trying to achieve in your mind. This is done best while in a relaxed and comfortable state. By allowing yourself to create a mental picture of your purpose while in a relaxed state, you free your mind to drift, without raising your guard or questioning your thoughts.

  You have the FREEDOM to dream and to believe that you are capable of achieving this, even if it is only in your head to begin with. No one, but yourself, should take control of your thoughts. Create a positive mental image of yourself and paint yourself in a good light. No one else can do this for you.

  Step 1: Find a comfortable position in a quiet environment.

  Step 2: When in a comfortable position, begin the exercise by concentrating on your breathing. Breathe in deeply and breathe out slowly. Relax. Feel the rhythm of your breath. You may close your eyes if this helps. As you inhale deeply, you breathe in relaxation. As you exhale slowly, you breathe out tension. Repeat this process until you feel fully relaxed.

  Step 3: When you are ready, imagine this scenario:

  Imagine you are in your most favorite spot in the world. Imagine this as vividly as you can. Hear the sounds. See the sights. You smell familiar and relaxing scents. You feel comfortable and secure in this environment. In this safe space, imagine yourself spending time reflecting on your life’s purpose.

  What do you want to do in your life?

  What do you want to achieve?

  What problems do you want to solve?

  What do you want to do for others?

  As you reflect on these questions, you begin to worry. Self-doubt starts to creep in. You begin to question yourself.

  “There is no way I can achieve all of this.”

  “I am not capable.”

  “I can’t do it.”

  Focus on what these words mean to you. Where did these words come from? How do these words make you feel?

  Concentrate on how worry puts tension on your face, on your shoulders, on your gut, and the rest of your body. Listen to the beating of your heart. Listen to your breathing. Breathe in, breathe out.

  Remember how this makes you feel. Focus your attention on these worried feelings. Imagine these feelings clustering into a ball in your chest.

  Does it feel heavy? Does it feel aggravating?

  Focus your attention on these feelings. Imagine this ball of heavy emotions being pulled out of your body. Slowly, this feeling escapes your body. You see it in front of you like an ugly mass of filth. You take this ugly filth of worries, fears, and self-doubt into your powerful hands, and you throw it down on the floor. It breaks into a thousand pieces and then it evaporates into thin air. You smile. You feel relieved and confident that you are now able to face your hopes and your dreams without fear, worry, or self-doubt.

  Dwell on these feelings. Cherish these feelings.

  Step 4: When you feel ready, slowly return your consciousness to your outside environment, feeling positively energized by imagining yourself free from fear, worry, and/or self-doubt.

  ***

  This exercise is only one example of how you can imagine yourself taking control over your fear, worry, and self-doubt. You can modify this technique so you can create a mental image of actual tasks that potentially trigger your Imposter Syndrome. For example, if
you are afraid of public speaking because it makes you feel exposed, then practice imagining vividly in your mind how you are able to speak with confidence in public. Imagine how you are able to control your nerves and the situation because you know exactly what you are talking about. Focus on these images and imagine them as vividly as you can in your mind.

  Research has shown that mental imagery can be a very effective way to encourage your mind and body to become accustomed to this imagined ideal scenario. For example, this technique has helped people with social anxiety by encouraging them to imagine being in control in contexts that would normally cause them fear or panic.

  Research has also shown how acting out specific tasks through visualization activates the same brain and neural activities as carrying out these tasks. This explains how visualization can help athletes, musicians, dancers, public speakers, astronauts, and surgeons to perform their ultimate best by “rehearsing” stressful tasks in their minds, and imagining themselves in control of the situation.

  In the case of Imposter Syndrome, imagine taking control of your fear, worry and self-doubt, instead of it taking control of you.

  Are you ready to give mental imagery a go and melt those worries away?

  Then PAME!

  (Let’s go together!)

  4

  THE 5 MOST COMMON IMPOSTER SYNDROME PITS THAT PARALYZE YOU (AND THE ONE THAT MAKES YOU DO TOO MUCH!)

  ACTION IS ESSENTIAL if you are on the quest to free yourself from Imposter Syndrome. For starters, it can help you to accumulate evidence that you CAN get things done. Plus, it will help you to gain experience so you can grow and accumulate more skills and knowledge that comes with doing things yourself.

  However, your inner critics can also come up with excuses that could stop you from taking action in the first place. Psychologist, Michael Neenan, referred to these as Performance Interfering Thoughts, a.k.a. PITs.

  PITs tend to be emotion-based thoughts that are often triggered by an emotional reaction to a task, such as fear, anxiety or doubt. Since PITs originate from emotions, these may be void of logic or reason. Thus, when PITs arise in your consciousness, it can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between the reality created by your inner critic and the truth from the outside world. It is important to identify these PITs so you can examine, challenge, and convert them into Performance Enhancing Thoughts, a.k.a. PETs.

  In this chapter, we will explore common inner critic PITs that fuel Imposter Syndrome and how to respond to these constructively.

  Are you ready?

  Then PAME!

  (Let’s go together!)

  PIT #1: I need to know everything first before I can start

  As an academic, I must admit, I have encountered this PIT on numerous occasions in my career. I read and try to absorb everything I need to know, to the point of exhausting all my time and energy on just reading other people’s work, instead of getting on with the task that I’m meant to be doing (e.g., writing a grant proposal, research paper, or lecture).

  The trouble is, the more I read, the more I feel the need to read more, because it makes me realize how very little I know!

  For those with Imposter Syndrome, it is important to appear as if they know everything when tackling a task because of the fear of being exposed as a fraud (or looking like an idiot!) in front of others. However, attempting to learn everything at the start may not be possible, because there are things that you know that you know; things that you know that you didn't know; things that you didn't know you knew; and things that you didn't know you didn't know! (get it?)

  It is only through experience that you will gain knowledge and skills which you would never have acquired if you hadn't tried something new in the first place! Admitting that it may not be possible to know everything at the start is one way to go forward. Adopting a GROWTH mindset (see Chapter 1) is a way to remedy this so you can keep learning new things as you go!

  Conversion to PET #1: I don't know everything but I will use what I know to learn more as I go.

  PIT #2: I am not very good at this, so I shouldn’t do it

  Like the first inner critic PIT of not doing something because you don’t know everything yet, this one will insist that you shouldn’t do something (in public, anyway) until you can do it very well. It will insist that you must be able to perform something effortlessly because a task done with effort reflects mediocrity and lack of expertise. For those with Imposter Syndrome, this is a no-no, because the last thing that they want to do is to expose the fact that their skills may still need refining.

  To counter this PIT, most self-help gurus will tell you that all you need is practice. As they say, “practice makes perfect.” Some would even cite Malcolm Gladwell’s “10,000-hour rule” which suggests that you will need, on average, 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert at something. Although I am a fan of Malcolm Gladwell, I’m afraid his interpretation of the original research which he based this “10,000-hour rule” on is an oversimplification.

  The original research was based on the work led by Swedish psychologist, Dr. K Anders Ericsson. The research team studied the practice habits of violin students and whether these habits had an impact on their musical abilities as adults. All research participants started playing at around the age of five and had similar practice times at that age. However, by the age of eight, practice times began to vary.

  Researchers found that by the age of 20, the more elite performers had practiced, on average, 10,000 hours each, while those who were less able, only practiced for 4,000 hours. It may seem that practice, as shown in this research, will eventually make perfect. However, in a recent meta-analysis of 88 studies (n=11,135) published in Psychological Science, practice only accounted for 12% of the difference in performance. Differences were also domain specific, wherein practice accounted for:

  26% for games

  21% for music

  18% for sports

  4% for education

  Less than 1% for professions

  Yes, practice is important. However, it seems that there are factors, other than practice, that contribute more to people becoming an expert in something. Some researchers speculated that “working memory capacity”, or the ability to retain information, is a better predictor of performance.

  Yes, practice is good; but do so with the intention to learn and to retain this learning. In fact, even Dr Ericsson would argue that it is deliberate practice that will really matter here. Quality, rather than quantity, is key. Getting feedback is one way to support this learning process. Know what you are doing right so you can keep doing that; and know what you need to improve, so you can keep working on improvement.

  Others would also argue that situational factors, such as “task predictability”, must also be considered. For professions that follow concrete rules, and where success can be predicted by the excellent execution of specific tasks, practicing and mastering these specific tasks could potentially impact future performance.

  However, in professions wherein rules can change because of context, practicing something over and over in one context, may not be as impactful when applied in another context. Therefore, the ability to learn and adapt skills based on context will matter more.

  Yes, practice is important. But it is not the quantity of time spent honing your skills that matters, but the quality and ability to adapt what you have learned, depending on context, that matters more.

  Conversion to PET #2: I am not very good at this yet, but I will continue to learn and adapt as I go.

  PIT #3: I am scared

  It is okay to be scared. We are human. Fear is a basic human emotion. In fact, fear plays a role in our evolutionary survival because this emotion will prevent you from taking action that could potentially cause you or others harm.

  Let’s say for example, a cave man may feel scared to go out of the cave because of all the dangers outside. He could fall off cliffs; drown in the river; be eaten alive by a bear, and so on and so forth.However, soone
r or later, this cave man will have to go out of the cave, because he and his family will need air, sunlight, water, and food to survive. They must overcome their fear and tackle the dangers lurking outside; otherwise, they will simply face their inevitable death inside the cave.

  In the same way, fear could warn us of the potential dangers of our actions; but it is up to us to decide what we must do to minimize these dangers, so we can get on with what we need to do.

  For those with Imposter Syndrome, since they have the tendency to be risk-averse, they may opt not to do something as soon as they feel the fear because fear is an indication of risk. They may also interpret fear as a cue that they are not good at that particular task. They may reason, “if I am really good at this, then I shouldn’t feel fear at all.”

  On the contrary, feeling fear could be an indication that you care about what you do and that you have a strong desire to succeed. Fear, in moderate amounts, can work in your favor if you know how to manage the sudden surge of adrenaline it releases to harness your optimal performance (If you’d like to learn more about how to manage fear, you can read about this in Book 3 of this series, Fear is not my enemy).

  However, please note that if you are experiencing clinical levels of anxiety, it would be best to seek support to help you better manage your condition.