Imposter Syndrome Remedy Read online

  When they realize that they are no longer “numero uno”; when they recognize that they cannot always be perfect; when they begin to face new challenges that throw them out of their comfort zone; then they may simply dismiss their past accomplishments, doubt others when they are given compliments, and ultimately question their skills and abilities.

  Clance and Imes (1978) also observed that there are children who are labelled as the “charming” ones in the family, instead of being the "smart" one of the pack. Such labels are not very helpful since children can internalize these as they grow up. Those who receive the “charming child” label may experience Imposter Syndrome as grownups since they may assume that when they achieve success, it is neither because they are intelligent nor skilled, but rather because they have charmed others into believing that they are.

  Either way, Imposter Syndrome can develop through the messages and labels we receive in early childhood. There are, of course, ways to challenge and reverse these messages in later life. However, by avoiding unhelpful labels and overemphasis on achievement as the basis of self-worth, the development of Imposter Syndrome can be prevented at an early stage in life.

  Supportive work environments matter

  Imposter Syndrome can also be triggered by environmental conditions. For example, it is not uncommon for people to feel uncertain about themselves when faced with changes at work or in life. Starting a new job or getting a promotion may drive people to ask deep down whether they have the skills and competence to get the job done.

  For some, these feelings of self-doubt could be temporary. Eventually, they may get comfortable in their new job as they gain more experience and support in this new environment. However, for others, the work environment itself may foster the development of Imposter Syndrome, especially if it is left undetected and no support is given to alleviate it. Thus, it is important to have a supportive environment to ease these feelings before they escalate.

  Another factor that could trigger Imposter Syndrome at work is getting the sense that you “don’t quite fit in” with the rest of the team. Factors such as age, gender, race, sexual orientation, and (dis)ability status can spark feelings of being a fraud, especially when the work environment makes you feel as if you don’t belong.

  Messages in traditional and social media, coupled with the “compare and despair” thinking these facilitate, also contribute to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.

  Am I the only one who feels like a fraud?

  Relax. You are not the only one who feels this way. According to a study by Jaruwan Sakulku and James Alexander, around 70% of individuals will experience Imposter Syndrome during their work life.

  Imposter Syndrome can affect any gender or race. It spans across different sectors including, but not limited to health and social care, education, business and finance, information and technology, literature, and the arts. Fresh graduates and postgraduate students also experience heavy bouts of Imposter Syndrome.

  While anyone can experience Imposter Syndrome, research suggests that women and people from minority ethnic groups may experience worse symptoms due to complex issues associated with gender discrimination and subtle/blatant forms of racism. This is particularly evident among women working in male-dominated occupations and among ethnic minorities in leadership positions in snowy-peaked industries (“all white at the top”).

  Consequences of Imposter Syndrome

  Let’s face it: self-doubt, in small doses, can be good for you. It can keep you on your toes and help you to progress and grow – if handled well.

  However, too much self-doubt can be crippling. It can lead to adverse consequences that can have detrimental implications on your career, but more importantly, on your health and wellbeing.

  The trouble with Imposter Syndrome is that, once you start doubting yourself, it is easy to stay doubtful and perpetuate what is called the Imposter Syndrome Cycle.

  The Imposter Syndrome Cycle is a sequence of thought processes, behaviors, and emotional responses that keep people in a vicious circle of anxiety and self-doubt.

  The Imposter Syndrome Cycle could be triggered by a new task that sparks feelings of self-doubt, worry, or anxiety. This can sound something like this:

  “I'm not capable of completing this task – I can't do this.”

  This can lead to two possible responses:

  Crippled by fear (procrastinates); or

  Driven by fear of failure (overworks)

  Completion of the task may bring temporary relief. However, when it is time to evaluate performance, limiting beliefs associated with Imposter Syndrome may arise:

  If procrastination led to a successful outcome, then success is considered a fluke (“I was lucky things worked out in the end!”).

  If over-preparation led to success, then it reinforces the belief that working extra hard is needed, otherwise, there is no chance of success (“I’m not good at this. I just worked really hard.”).

  Thus, successful outcomes do not bring satisfaction. It only increases self-doubt, worry, and anxiety, with the thought that when either “luck” or “excessive hard work” wears off, they will finally be exposed as the incompetent fraud that they really are. And then, the cycle repeats itself.

  As a result, Imposter Syndrome can diminish, and even completely obliterate, job satisfaction because tasks are often met with high levels of anxiety before, during and after completion. Attributing success to luck can also lead to feelings of guilt and shame for the "undeserved" accomplishment. Furthermore, the excessive hard work used to compensate for fear of failure can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and fatigue. This can consequently impact a person’s work-life balance and can have negative consequences on personal and social relationships.

  Maladaptive perfectionism associated with Imposter Syndrome has also been associated with performance-related and psychological issues such as:

  All-or-nothing thinking;

  Conditional self-acceptance;

  Emotional disturbance when standards are not met;

  Obsessing over trivial errors;

  Becoming overly judgmental and intolerant of mistakes made by self and/or others;

  Non-acceptance of fallibility;

  Feelings of inadequacy; and

  Taking constructive criticism personally.

  Those with Imposter Syndrome are also at risk of stagnating their careers by:

  Becoming averse to risk for fear of failure;

  Focusing on avoiding mistakes rather than embracing opportunities for learning and growth;

  Failing to act, staying in the shadows, or keeping silent in meetings to minimize the risk of being exposed;

  Avoiding promotion based on the belief that they will never be good enough; and

  Feeling fearful of success (i.e., success may bring more responsibilities and attention).

  Although Imposter Syndrome is not classified as a psychiatric disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it can manifest as a symptom in clinical conditions, including generalized anxiety and depression.

  At worst, if prolonged and left untreated, the maladaptive perfectionist tendencies of people experiencing these conditions have been associated with suicidal behavior and ideation.

  IMPORTANT: If you are experiencing clinical levels of anxiety and depression, then you are strongly encouraged to seek professional help and support. While this book can offer some insight into your experience of Imposter Syndrome, it does not replace clinical support that can be acquired from a mental health professional.

  If you need help, get help

  Numerous studies have shown that psychological interventions can help to reduce anxiety and depression among maladaptive perfectionists, particularly among those with clinical issues. Among non-clinical cases, coaching can help to alleviate the impact of maladaptive perfectionism associated with Imposter Syndrome by enabling clients to reflect upon their:

  goals and expectations (i.e., are the
se too high, rigid or unrealistic?);

  beliefs underpinning these goals (i.e., are these true, logical or helpful?); and

  reactions when these goals are met and when these are not (i.e., how do you evaluate and respond to success and failure?)

  Understanding what triggers Imposter Syndrome and how you respond to it can allow you to examine its impact. This will help you to reflect on your goals, beliefs, feelings, and behaviors to help you promote a more positive experience, both at work and in life in general.

  The PAME Code to remedy Imposter Syndrome

  The subsequent chapters of this book outline how you can use the PAME Code of Purpose, Action, Momentum, and Energy to understand and manage symptoms of Imposter Syndrome. Although these techniques will not give you immunity from Imposter Syndrome, understanding what triggers these feelings and how to cope with it, will give you a fighting chance to constructively manage and prevent yourself from getting trapped in the Imposter Syndrome Cycle.

  You are encouraged to take an active role as you read through these chapters:

  Be aware of your "inner critics"

  Write down notes and reflections

  Talk to your buddy

  “Have a go” at some of the techniques

  You will find prompts throughout this book that will ask you to actively engage with the material. To help you spot these action prompts easily, I have added the following icons throughout the text:

  This is your time to end self-sabotage, know your worth, and flourish with self-confidence at work and in life.

  Are you ready to stop feeling like a fraud?

  Then, PAME!

  (Let’s go together!)

  2

  FIRST THINGS FIRST

  4-MUST-DO STEPS FOR LASTING CHANGE

  BEFORE TAKING THE INITIAL STEPS to remedy your Imposter Syndrome, it is important that you have a solid foundation and understanding of what you are striving for. Making a commitment to change is important and you must not avoid this step if you want to make meaningful and lasting change in your life.

  In this chapter, we will use a 4-step plan to get you started in this process:

  Recognize and admit that you have a problem

  Familiarize yourself with your “inner critic”

  Contemplate its impact on your life and the lives of others

  Commit and make yourself accountable to change

  Are you ready to commit to change?

  Then, PAME!

  (Let’s go together!)

  STEP 1: Recognize, identify, and admit that you have a problem

  The first step to take is to recognize that you have a problem. Recognizing that you have a problem lifts you out of denial and gives you the permission to (at the very least) consider taking action to resolve it. As the saying goes, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Therefore, recognizing that something is broken gives you the permission to fix it.

  However, a crucial point needs to be made here:

  The problem is NOT you.

  The problem is Imposter Syndrome.

  The tricky thing with those with Imposter Syndrome is that they tend to internalize problems and blame themselves when things are not going very well. Continuously blaming yourself for having Imposter Syndrome is counter-productive. Don’t do it. It will simply keep you inside the Imposter Syndrome Cycle.

  What you need to do is to recognize and identify Imposter Syndrome as the problem that you need to tackle. Remember, Imposter Syndrome does not define who you are. You may experience it sometimes, but it does not have to stay with you all the time.

  Imposter Syndrome is like having the flu. You may experience it sometimes, but it does not have to stay with you all the time. You just need to find a remedy so you can get back to being the real you again. In the same way, you need to recognize and identify Imposter Syndrome as the problem that needs a remedy.

  STEP 2: Become Familiar with your “inner critic”

  When you recognize that you have symptoms of Imposter Syndrome, it is important that you appreciate that these symptoms are perpetuated by messages from that we would call “the inner critic.”

  The inner critic is a tiny voice that relays unhelpful, and sometimes hurtful, messages inside your head. Sometimes it whispers, sometimes it screams! It can be quite unsettling – which is why you need to know what to do when you hear its voice.

  Some self-help books will encourage you to silence, crush, or even banish your inner critic. But, much like we talked about in Change your Life for Good (Book 1), I will not ask you to do that here.

  Instead, I will ask you to get acquainted with your inner critic and learn to listen to it.

  What is it saying?

  Where are these views coming from?

  Why is it saying that particular thing?

  Whether you like it or not, your inner critic is still part of who you are.

  By silencing, crushing, or banishing it, you are putting yourself at risk of having a battle with yourself; a battle you have little hope of winning. Instead, you need to listen to, understand, but not necessarily follow that inner voice.

  Awareness is important.

  Careful listening even more so.

  Understanding what your inner critic is saying gives you a clearer assessment of what you need to do.

  Consider the following when personifying your inner critic:

  What does it look like? Paint a vivid image of what this critic looks like.

  When does it usually speak? Why does it speak? Describe what its voice sounds like.

  What does it usually tell you? Does it have catchphrases? List them all. Write them down.

  Does it have any peculiar mannerisms? Describe its unusual characteristics.

  Does it have a name? Give it a name.

  Creating a visual image, voice, character and a name for your inner critic allows you to lift it out of the shadows so you can see and hear it more clearly. This way, you can recognize and deal with it when it surfaces unexpectedly.

  STEP 3: Contemplate its impact on yourself and others

  As discussed in the previous chapter, we know that Imposter Syndrome can have adverse consequences on your life, if prolonged and not dealt with. Take your time and reflect (with honesty) on whether Imposter Syndrome has an impact on you:

  How is it affecting your identity and self-worth?

  Is it impacting your health and wellbeing?

  How is it affecting your career and professional relationships?

  What about your social and family life? What are its consequences on your relationship with your friends, family, and loved ones?

  Is it affecting your quality of life or those around you? If so, in what way?

  Reflecting on the impact Imposter Syndrome has on your life and the lives of those around you can bring to light the need and importance of doing something to break the cycle.

  STEP 4: Commit and make yourself accountable to change

  Finally, you need to make a commitment and keep yourself accountable to change. The essence of PAME (let’s go together) is that you don’t need to face challenges on your own. This may be difficult to admit if you are experiencing severe symptoms of Imposter Syndrome – but you have to get over any hesitancy to ask for help because the fact is everyone needs help sometimes.

  Having a companion (whether it is a mentor, partner, or friend) can help you to stay out of the Imposter Syndrome Cycle when you find yourself swerving toward the repetitive circle. On this occasion, you are encouraged to take your COACH with you.

  In this context, COACH stands for:

  Commitment

  Accountability

  CHerish the moment

  COmmitment

  Make a commitment to stay out of the Imposter Syndrome Cycle. Write this as a statement of commitment, preferably in your own motivating words. For example:

  “I will stop doubting what I am capable of doing.”

  “You know your worth – don’t you ever forget it!�
��

  “You got this!”

  Place your statement somewhere visible. Look at it every time self-doubt and Imposter Syndrome feelings start to creep in.

  Accountability

  Hold yourself accountable by telling someone that you are attempting to get out (and stay out) of the Imposter Syndrome Cycle. Find someone who you can share this journey with. Tell them that you need someone who will keep you accountable to your commitment to get out (and stay out) of the Imposter Syndrome Cycle.

  Here are a few pointers to consider when looking for an “accountability buddy”:

  Are YOU comfortable with them? You need someone with whom you can be honest, without feeling embarrassed or judged for what you say or do.

  Are THEY comfortable with you? You need someone who can be blatantly honest with you and tell you things, without feeling unsure of whether you will be offended or not.

  Will they understand? It would be helpful to have someone who has/had a similar experience of what you're going through. They may be able to empathize with you more and share the joys and pains that you will encounter along the way.